I can recall trying to talk about this with my husband a few years ago. I sat with him and tried to get him to understand how I felt lost as a stay at home mom. I couldn’t put it in words that could make it make sense, but I knew what I felt was real. I saw other moms jogging and loving on their kids as if everything was perfect. Little did I know, this was a common feeling that most moms experience.
My journey as a stay-at-home mom began in Oct 2013. At the time of pregnancy, I didn’t have the intention of staying at home with my daughter. That all changed once I saw those big beautiful brown eyes for the first time. I knew that I could not trust anyone else with her while I returned to work. I went about my day as usual…nursing, changing diapers, sneaking in a meal and shower, but I didn’t know that I was losing me, Summer.
Now don’t get me wrong, I love everything about being a mom. It’s just that one day they become a tad older and you start to realize that you are just a mom. Like, what happened to me going to lunch with a friend? Shopping at my favorite boutique? Getting my eyebrows threaded ALONE!! What happened?! Being a mom is what happened. Everything changes. We have to somehow include our kids in our daily routines, and we pour so much into their wellbeing that we forget about us.
This feeling is depressing. It makes you feel as if you earned that degree for nothing. Like, you became certified in that skill for nothing. You sit and ask, ” What am I supposed to do now?” It wasn’t until I began therapy that I realized that I wasn’t alone. Being a military spouse is hard enough. We leave friends every 3 years…Unless they leave us first. And now I’m just sitting here looking a mess and no friend to come over to have an adult conversation! This sucks! But, I am here to reassure you that it is 100% normal to feel this way.
I wrote a post previously about how loc’d my hair, and now I feel amazing. Since then I have also added a few new outfits that snatch me all the way together. And guess what? My neighbor makes earrings for a known celebrity, so of course, I had to scoop up a pair or two! Before becoming a mom, these things were so normal, but now it feels like a real treat to get these simple items for myself.
One thing that I’ve noticed is that my girls see the glow. They see the change, and I love it. My youngest daughter said to me recently, “oh, you cute!” I felt it all…all the love, the admiration, and just the little sistah girl moment we had. It was AMAZING!! This is what we want right? I’m starting to realize that this journey is for me, but the transformation that my girls see in me will help them as they grow and recognize the changes that we are women go through.
