Have you ever just sat back and wondered, “How happy am I really?” This question is very common, but many will not take the steps to discover their true happiness. As mothers we go through different hormonal changes that will take us from feeling like the top of the world to just wanting to be in bed all day. There are names like postpartum depression and baby blues that are often thrown out there, but what about just feeling differently because now I’m a whole MOM!
It seems like that is not often discussed. Sure my shape my change, my hair may go through some shedding, but what about this new title….like who am I now?! This was my unexplained happiness after I had my first child in 2013. I quickly began blaming my husband for everything, and not smiling and laughing like I had before becoming a mom. Yes, I did seek therapy to make sure I wasn’t suffering from depression, but that was not the case. There was something missing.
Family and friends didn’t see a change in me, but I felt it and it was deep. I couldn’t explain it to anyone because I felt like I just didn’t have the words to describe the feeling. Truth is, I’m not even sure if I knew what it was that I was experiencing. Then 3.5 years later, baby number 2 was born. And it started all over again. (Yeah, social media makes everything look good) I again spoke with my doctor and was told that I did not show the signs of depression, not even postpartum depression. I kept pushing and began growing my relationship with Christ, then I realized I was simply grieving “Pre-Mom Summer”. Now don’t get me wrong, I am forever grateful for my girls…I would have 5 more if I could, but I no longer had the time to put time into myself….I had indeed lost myself in motherhood.
I tried new hairstyles, made trips to the nail salon, my husband even took me shopping. But, nope that wasn’t it either. In 2019 I began therapy and my therapist agreed that I was not suffering from depression, but I needed to rediscover myself as a mom. What did I want or what did I think was holding my happiness hostage? Take a quick guess….It was my HAIR!!! Uggh, imagine the shock but so many people admired my natural hair. I had no idea that my hair had such a huge impression ON ME!!
On October 17, 2020 I finally loc’d my hair, and when I tell you a girl feels AMAZING!!! It’s like I walked out of the salon as a brand new woman. I woman who felt as beautiful as my husband tells me. A woman who’s as fancy as two little girls proclaim. I was indeed that girl!!! Honey, 7 whole years I let my hair hold me back from happiness. You may read this and think, “Now Summer, that is crazy!” but its not. In my single days I rocked a fresh sew-in, then I did a big chop to natural hair…My hair flourished beautifully and I was loving it. After having kids my hair was thrown up into a dry bun and that is where it stayed until it was wash day again. Now, I can wake up, give it a quick spritz of water and oil, and baby….You can’t tell me nothing!! I’m at home looking and feeling cute!!!
I want to encourage you to find your happiness. I promise you it is there. It could be as simple as going for walk alone, but find your happiness and your peace.
